four years
by georgia.ell
Summary: Santana's first single is about to drop but she's a little lost, what happens when someone she hasn't spoken to in 4 years comes back.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything apart from the story line. This happens 5 years after Santana broke up with Brittany and Brittany sent her to New York. Brittany did not go to MIT and graduated McKinley before leaving for England.

After setting my bag down on the sofa all I wanted to do was relax, interviews are exhausting. It's their job to be nosey but they have to keep pushing, they always want to know my 'love life' and never believe me no matter how many times I say there isn't one. I've never had a love life for 5 years but that doesn't mean I haven't gone horizontal in that long, yeah that's something I'm not going to share. I haven't found love since my first love but that's fine, it's not that I'm not over her it's just the fact we went through so much together. She was my best friend, my first kiss; we took each other's virginity at the young age of 12 and I only came out for her. I believe I was in love with her from the first day we met but life got in the way and that ended.

" _Hi, my name's Brittany why are you all the way over here by yourself and why are you facing a wall" Brittany asked staring at the wall to see if she was missing something interesting. She kept squinting to see if that worked but it didn't. I'd never seen eyes as blue as hers before, it was the first day of kindergarten and all of my family had dark eyes. The old people that lived in our street had blue eyes but they were more grey than blue, hers were like the ocean and her skin was milky white. Her hair was my favourite though, the way it glistened in the sun. She was beautiful._

" _You can't talk to me; I don't want you to get into trouble like me. I have to face the wall, there's nothing interesting there." I commented as she was still trying to find something. "I'm Santana but you should really go now, I'll talk to you at lunch time."_

" _That's a really pretty name, it's just like you! Why did you get in trouble Santana?" Brittany gave me a questioning look but she continued to stand not caring whether she was caught or not._

" _I kicked someone when they pulled my hair but the teacher never saw that so only I was punished." I said not really caring. It was the first day but I was used to being punished and this was nothing. "You need to leave before you're punished too." I continued as I looked around for the teachers._

" _That's not fair-"_

" _Brittany Pierce you know you're not supposed to talk to people being punished, stand and look at the wall just like Santana. You can't disobey the rules and get away with it" Brittany was rudely interrupted by an ugly old teacher that clearly hadn't been shopping in years. I looked towards Brittany and she was beaming, literally beaming. Her eyes were even bluer and her cheeks bunched up because she was smiling so hard._

" _Why didn't you go away when I told you to?" I questioned but her smile never faltered. "Now you're in trouble and why are you smiling?"_

" _Because now I get to talk to you for the whole of break." She responded not even thinking about it._

That was the first time I had ever felt truly special and it never stopped happening throughout the whole of school. A beautiful friendship was born which developed into a beautiful relationship in our senior year. I'm not bitter that our relationship ended, I ended it. I was stupid but I wanted better for her, distance was involved and she was lonely. She deserved better so I gave it to her, I'm just sad I lost her as a friend. She was the one who sent me to New York and always believed in me and that's why my first single is dedicated to her. I just hope she sees it when it's released on Monday. Our friendship just ended, phone calls just grew further apart and then stopped when she disappeared. No one knew where she went she just told them she was going to live her dream.

Cooking is a big no for tonight, after an exhausting day takeout is definitely the option. After calling my favourite pizza place in South Hollywood I settle down in front of the fire and turn the TV on. It would be lovely to share this with someone but dating never worked and I don't want any of my hook-ups here. Just no, we always go to their place so I can sneak out. It's going to be harder once I get recognised more.

Halfway through Jersey Shore I hear a knock at the door. All reality TV is my guilty pleasure, it ranges from talent shows to trashy TV but I love it all. I pick my purse up almost racing to the door because I can already taste my pizza. It's always easier to pay on my card and transfer it through so all I have to do is tip the guy. After unlocking the door I hold the money out and hold my hand out for the pizza without looking up but that smell. I can smell my pizza, the mozzarella, the Cajun chicken, the red onion and spicy pork but I can also smell something that shouldn't be there. Something that's so familiar that I shouldn't have been surprised when I looked up. But I was, the familiar hair was as blonde as ever and those eyes were just as blue as they'd always been.

My mouth was dry, I couldn't speak. I hadn't spoken to Brittany in over 4 years; she just dropped off the face of the earth. I had no idea what I wanted to say to her, I wanted to invite her in but tell her to leave. Like I said I'm not bitter but who the hell turns up at someone's door at 9pm when they haven't spoken to you for 4 years. For some reason my heart sped up and my breathing got a little heavier.

"Br-" I couldn't, I failed. I didn't know what to say never mind actually say it. I couldn't do anything, I was frozen.

"Hi San may I come in, I have your pizza." She said holding my pizza up and giving me a shy smile. That's when I realised I couldn't turn her away and make up an excuse because she had my damn pizza.

I didn't say anything, I still couldn't. I just stepped to the side and allowed her to walk in; she took her shoes off and went straight to the couch, not hesitating to put her feet up. Well at least she's comfortable, how could she act like this without talking to me for 4 years?

I didn't go straight to her, I couldn't. I managed to shuffle my way to the kitchen and grab two Dr Peppers and two plates. I'm not a big Dr Pepper fan but there's always some in the house , I obviously hadn't broke the habit after buying it for the good part of 15 years. I used to make sure my Mami picked it up when she went shopping so Brittany could drink it when came over.

I headed to the couch slowly; my heart had slowed down so I was finally able to squeak out words. I sat at the opposite end and gained a warming smile from Brittany when I handed her a plate and her Dr Pepper.

"What are you doing here?" I asked harsher than what I was supposed to but I never took it back.

It didn't even affect and that hurt me. She was so used to me being a bitch that she had grown immune. I tried my best not to be hurtful towards her but it always slipped out, she still stuck by me though. Well until 4 years ago.

"First of all put that plate down, since when have we ever ate pizza from a plate. What are you fancy now?" Brittany grinned and then continued. "To answer your question I'm at _your_ house to see _you_. Isn't that obvious? Why would I come to your house for something else?"

"I got that part but why do you want to see me now Brittany and a lot has changed in 4 years. You don't know me anymore." I spat, maybe I was still bitter.

"Oh please I still know you like the back of my hand Santana." She said calmly as she started on the pizza. "You're distancing yourself from me afraid we might accidently touch, you're being a bitch because you don't want to let me in again. Afraid something might happen like last time. You're still not a fan of Dr Pepper because you still pull that face when you drink it but I guess you haven't broken the habit just like I haven't when buying skittles. Your house is here, in the middle of some fancy neighbourhood because you know these people won't bother you and you won't have to make new friends. I bet when I go outside the pool isn't square or rectangle I bet it's in the shape of a kidney bean because that's more natural and reminds you of the lake we used to play in." She rose from the couch, slid open the curtains and peeked out before turning around with a smile and sitting back down. "Wringing your wrists is something you always do when you're nervous and you're doing it now because you know I'm right with everything I've just said, would you like me to continue Santana?" She finished and took another bite of her pizza.

She just called me out on a hell of a lot of things and was right. She did still know me, she's always known me better than I know myself and that still frightens the shit out of me.

"What do you want Brittany?" I asked again unwilling to look into her blue eyes. I know I'll melt and won't be able to keep up this hard act.

"I want to talk to my best friend, I want to congratulate her on her upcoming single, and I want to share my experience in England. I want to tell you everything you missed and I want you to do the same."

"What we just go back to normal after 4 years without contact, you went to England. That's why you didn't contact me? Its 2018 you could have done something! Don't you think it's too late Brittany? 4 years without contact is a hell of a long time and that wasn't my decision. You can't turn up 4 years later and expect everything to be just how you left it. Do you know how much that hurt me when no one knew where you were? We may have broken up but my best friend just dropped off the map. You could have been killed for all I had known because you didn't tell anyone anything. So no I'm not going to listen and I'm not going to share everything you missed. You should have been here and I think it's time for you to leave." I yelled trying to keep my cool but anyone would have caught my voice cracking.

I stood up and opened the door; I wasn't ready for this, to have her back.

She sat fiddling with something for a while but after she just got her shoes on and left without a word, I felt bad but I couldn't deal with this. All of the feelings just came flooding back and I just needed to get away. Driving always helped.

After driving for a good 2 hours I made it back home to clear everything up so I could go to bed. When I went to clear the table that had the pizza on something caught my eye. It was a business card. 'Brittany's School of Dance' was printed in big swirly letters on the front equipped with the silhouette of a ballerina and contact details on the other side. The card would look very professional if it wasn't bright yellow and baby blue. Classic Brittany, I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face. She always knew how to make me smile even when she didn't mean to. I'm pretty sure she would have had an argument with the card designer when she picked the colours but Brittany never cared what anyone thought apart from me. Then I realised a note underneath the business card.

'San, I know you're mad right now. Well no you're actually smiling because of the business card and yes I did have an argument with the lady just in case you're wondering. You're still mad though so take your time to think or whatever. I'm starting a dance school just in case you hadn't noticed and I would like you to come and see it. I'm sorry for leaving you mad/upset but I had to see you and try to fix whatever I had broken. You have my contact details and I hope to hear from you soon. Britt Britt xo'

She does know me so well, she knew I would smile at the colours and she knew I would wonder about the argument. What she didn't know was that I wasn't mad, I was sad and had many feelings to deal with but I wasn't mad. I was at the time because I wouldn't have made her leave if I wasn't but I miss her and I want an explanation. Part of it was my fault and seeing her just made all of the feelings I had locked up for 5 years resurface. Any other friend wouldn't have made me react in that way and that just proves I still have feelings for Brittany S. Pierce.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a month since Brittany had turned up on my door step and I still didn't have the guts to phone her. I've had a month to figure everything out, how I feel about repairing our friendship and starting again but I have no idea what I want. I have feelings for Brittany, they've always been there and thats the reason I could never put myself out there properly. I never had an emotional attachment to them and continued to end it before it went further. They were all beautiful, successful and had amazing personalities but there was nothing there. I was still in love with someone else. So that's my big dilemma, I don't hate her and I would happily allow her back in my life as long as she had an explanation for why the hell she packed up and left but I don't know how I'd feel about being friends with her. Would that be enough? Would that give me closure so I could push past whatever this was and fall in love with someone else? Who knows but I'll have to figure out whether I can be her friend.

After a heavy interrogation Kurt finally admitted to giving Brittany my address, she knew I was in LA because of the tabloids and managed to find Kurt's contact details on the internet apparently. It didn't take long for Kurt to crack, I may have started chopping up his clothes but I only managed to get through one sweater anyways. I definitely did him a favour. He said he couldn't resist Brittany's sweet voice and gave in to her immediately, he's unbelievably easy.

I think Brittany made a silent deal with me saying that she would wait until I was ready. She could get my number easily off Kurt, in fact I'm pretty sure she already has it but she hasn't called. Even when my single was released 3 days after our reunion she still never called. It was dedicated to her; she deserved it because she pushed me to follow my dreams. I actually can't believe she managed to keep quiet and not contact me after that, I knew it was a big deal to her so it must have been hard to keep her end of the silent deal.

All of the attention had finally started to calm down and I managed to squeeze in studio hours this week, I needed my new single finishing because the deadline is in 2 days. It's slow and it's about Brittany but she won't know that, I just needed to fix the beat and it would be ready. If it isn't finished my career would be over before it had even properly started. I needed that beat.

I was playing around with the sound boards, lost in my own little world when I got a call from the front desk. It frightened the shit out of me and it pissed me off. This was supposed to be my time, no distractions.

"What do you want I'm busy?" I spat down the phone. I didn't know how much studio time I could squeeze in so I couldn't be disturbed, not until I found my beat.

"There's a woman hear to see you, she said it's important" The receptionist had learnt to ignore me when I was a bitch just as Brittany did.

"And? Send her away."

"Her name is Brittany."

Fuck! I still hadn't figured everything out and I needed this time. Looks like I'm going to have to face her one way or another.

"Send her up." I said before ending the call, I couldn't stop by jam session so she would just have to say whatever while I was working. I could feel the palms of my hands sweating and my breathing speeding up. I need to get over this, this nervousness around her needs to stop. I took a sip of water and continued on until I heard the door go behind me.

"Hey" She said sheepishly as she walked through the door. She looked beautiful even though she was just in sweats. Her hair was tied back into a messy bun and her skin was glistening with sweat. She'd clearly just come from a dance class.

"Yes?" I replied back sharp without looking up from the soundboard.

"I know we made that silent deal that I wouldn't contact you-" So she did make that deal! "-but it's been a month and I really want to sort everything out. I would like to sit down with you and have a mature adult conversation if you are willing and tell you everything." She said, her voice doesn't falter, she's always been confident no matter how much of a bitch I am.

"When?" Was all I managed to reply with.

"As soon as possible, I need my friend"

"I'm busy at the moment but come to my house tonight at 9pm; I should be done by then." I replied finally looking up and meeting her gaze. A smile instantly spread across her face and she nodded.

"I'll leave you to it and see you then." I watched her turn and walk towards the door but then she turned back around and walked towards me. Within seconds she was hovering over me and had her hands on the sound board. She started playing around until she finally stood up straight and smiled. "Why don't you try this?" She said before heading out the door without another word.

I didn't even realise a beat was playing; I could still feel her breathe on my skin. My skin was all tingly but when I finally heard the beat she had just created it was like everything clicked. It was beyond perfect and it was it. All my work and she figures it out in seconds without even hearing the song. She always knew how to fix everything.

After calling Bryan and playing it to him he immediately agreed that it was perfect and that we should start recording. I still had a good 4 hours and it could be done by then. It was going to be perfect and was definitely my next single!

Recording finished at just before 9 and then I transferred it over to a disc, the studio was only a 5 minute drive so I was happy to let Brittany wait 10 minutes. It was a beautiful night anyway. I pulled up onto my drive and could see her sitting on the door step watching the stars. She was wearing a floral summer dress and her hair was slightly curled. She looked flawless.

I got out of the car and walked towards her. She was looking directly at me, her beautiful smile gracing her lips as always. She's always so forgiving, I'm late and she still looks at me like that.

"Sorry I'm late, I have just managed to record that whole song after you produced that amazing beat. Thank you, the song sounds amazing and I couldn't have done it without you." I shouted at her and wrapped my arms around her. I had no idea why but I needed this. She instantly reciprocated the hug and I felt safe wrapped in her arms. It was so familiar, so peaceful. I hadn't felt this amazing since we were together. The same vanilla body wash invaded my senses and I squeezed even tighter, this is what I'm missing.

After finally releasing her I smiled a genuine toothy grin which I haven't done in a long time and invited her in. Again, she removed her shoes and curled up on the couch waiting for me to join her with chocolate, skittles and Dr Pepper. Some things never change.

"So seems as though you made this beat your name gets put next to it. It'll be Santana Lopez ft. Brittany S. Pierce" I said with the same smile as before.

"That's sounds so cool but I can't do that, it took me 10 seconds to do and you put so much hard work into it. I couldn't take that."

"Lets face it, the song was never going to be successful if it didn't have an amazing beat and I wouldn't have found it. You found it, you made it amazing and your name deserves to be there. There's no one else I would rather share this with Britt." I said as I shuffled closer towards her and placed my hand on her back. All those terrible feelings were replaced by amazing ones and although I wasn't sure I could be just friends I was sure as hell going to try.

"Are you sure San?" She asked she looked like she was taking so much from me. I don't know why but she looked so fragile.

"Positive." I replied and instantly got a bone crushing hug which was even better because she initiated it. I just relax as soon as I'm in her arms. I have no idea how I managed to live without this for 5 years but I have it back.

"So can I hear the song, I noticed you brought a disc in. Is that it?" she pointed towards the cd with it on and that's when my smile finally faltered. She would click straight away but I couldn't hide it, not if her name was going to be on it.

"Of course, I'll just put it in." I said with the fakest smile plastered on my face. There was no way I was getting out of this. It was going to be so awkward. I walked my way over to the stereo, when the beat kicked in I sat down next to Brittany but she got up and reached for my hand. I took it without a second thought and we started swaying along to the beautiful music we had created.

"Sing San, please?" she had her pout on and I couldn't say no, I knew I wouldn't be able to look at her as I sang though. There was way too much emotion so I laid my head on her shoulder and continued to sway untiI the words started.

 _Don't have much to give, but I don't care for gold  
What use is money, when you need someone to hold?  
Don't have direction, I'm just rolling down this road  
Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold_

 _You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,  
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name_

My voice was shaky as I started; I was terrified this would frighten her away. The words described exactly how I felt when Brittany was with Sam and it was quite clear it was about him, it was such a hard time. I just wrote songs, ate and slept. I never left my room.

 _Pack up and leave everything,  
Don't you see what I can bring  
Can't keep this beating heart at bay  
Set my midnight sorrow free,  
I will give you all of me  
Just leave your lover, leave him for me.  
Leave your lover, leave him for me._

 _We sit in bars and raise our drinks to growing old  
Oh, I'm in love with you and you will never know,  
But if I can't have you I'll walk this life alone  
Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow_

 _You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain  
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name_

We continued to sway and I knew I was crying and getting Brittany's shoulder damp but I couldn't look at her. Not as I sung this, I was so vulnerable. She'd never seen me be so emotional, I was never one to express my feelings.

 _Pack up and leave everything,  
Don't you see what I can bring  
Can't keep this beating heart at bay  
Set my midnight sorrow free,  
I will give you all of me  
Just leave your lover, leave him for me  
Leave your lover, leave him for me.  
Leave your lover, leave him for me._

When the song finished I continued to cry on Brittany's shoulder. We stopped swaying but she never stopped holding me, we just stood there still holding each other without a word. When I finally stopped crying I managed to look up and was met with ocean blue eyes. They were red and puffy and Brittany had obviously been crying as well.

"I'm sorry." Was all I managed to squeak out as I tried to pull away but she held me tight refusing to let me go.

"What are you sorry for, because it was about me and Sam?" she questioned while trying to meet my gaze but I couldn't look at her. I just nodded barely, if she wasn't waiting for it she wouldn't have known I did it. She lifted my chin so I was looking straight at her and continued. "There's no need to apologise, it was beautiful and I just want you to know I never loved him Santana. I only ever loved you."

That's all I needed before I crashed my lips into hers and I felt like I was going to explode. It was magical. I had a stampede going on in my stomach and nearly died when Brittany parted her lips to allow my tongue access. My tongue slid across hers and they danced together perfectly in sync. It was perfect, after all these years and our lips were still a perfect fit.

When the kiss broke I was overcome by so many emotions. I was so happy that I finally got to kiss the love of my life once again. I thought I'd never be able to do that but I did. But every bad feeling is 100x more powerful than the good ones.

Doubt instantly flooded my mind, _what if she only kissed me because I initiated it. She probably just felt sorry for me because of the song. She can't love me after 5 years._

I pushed her away, as hard as it was. "You need to leave Brittany." I said harshly storming past her and opening the door.

"But San" she whispered. She was so weak, so vulnerable. I couldn't I just couldn't. She didn't want this and I couldn't be just friends.

"I can't do this Brittany, just leave. Please." And with that she left. She always knew when to listen to me. I love Brittany S. Pierce and I can't just be her friend. It would be impossible.

 **Authors Note: The song Santana sung was Sam Smith's Leave Your Lover. It's a beautiful song, if you haven't heard it you should check it out. Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

After sending Brittany away I collapsed. I broke down unable to support my weight. I just cried for hours on end. I can't be her friend with the history we have, it's impossible. There's too many feelings involved. I managed to cancel everything that week; luckily it was all small things that could be postponed. Brittany text me almost immediately but I couldn't read it, my phone got turned off and it was going to stay like that.

Quinn has come around every day so far and didn't say a word. She knew me well enough not to; she just sits there and holds me while we eat ice cream together. She always knows what exactly to do so she just sits and waits until I speak up. It's generally just a 'do you want a bottle of water' or 'I'm going to the bathroom' but on Wednesday I didn't wait for her to come round. I rushed to her apartment as fast as I could after what I had done. I was finally ready to tell Quinn what happened because I had finally confessed everything to Brittany. Not face to face though, I wrote her a letter.

Tuesday night/ Wednesday morning I woke up with new found confidence, I don't know where it came from or why it hit me at 3am but I knew I had to write everything down. I knew I had to tell Brittany how I felt so she knew to stay away. I pulled out the notepad I keep for spontaneous song writing from the side of my bed and started writing. I messed up many times and it took just over 5 hours before I was finished. I sealed it in an envelope and wrote 'Brittany' on the front. I just needed to get ready before I dropped it off at her dance studio.

The letter said _: It's 3am and all I want is your lips on mine, it's the same as yesterday at 2pm or last Thursday at midnight. It's the same as every hour, every minute, every second since I met you. My feelings have never disappeared but have only grown stronger. I love you and I always have and this is why you can no longer be in my life Brittany. Having you as a friend would be impossible, I couldn't do it. It would kill me every day just looking at you. Seeing you and not kissing you is like looking at a word and not reading it if that makes sense. I can't Brittany I just can't. LA is a pretty huge place, we don't have to see each other and it would be easier that way but if we do I'll look at you and remember every memory we ever shared. Our amazing childhood, our romance and our final night together. You know me better that I know myself so you must know why I'm doing this. I just want you to know that I love you; I love you more than I can put into words. I always have and I always will and there's nothing that will ever change that but my feelings will get in the way. They'd get in the way of the friendship that you want so I'm sorry but I love you. Love Santana xo_

I didn't recognise the address on the back of her business card so I hopped in the car hoping it was a decent distance so I had time to relax as I drove. Turns out her studio was a 5 minute drive, there was a huge chance we would run into each other just going about our daily lives but then again, I've never been here before so there's nothing here that I should need. I really need to familiarise myself with the city I live in, I had no idea what was a mere 5 minutes away.

After sitting in my car and thinking about what I was doing, I finally got the guts to get out and walk onto the street in which her studio was situated. I recognised it immediately, the sign was exactly the same as her business cards so there was no missing it and I instantly smiled once again.

I posted the letter and chanced a glance through the window, there she was. My beautiful blonde beauty dancing as graceful as ever. I missed the sight of Brittany dancing, the way she glided through the air effortlessly always made me feel so proud. So proud that she was my best friend and so proud that she was my girlfriend. But now she's nothing, I'm proud of someone who is a beautiful memory.

I remember when we did Valerie. It was my first major solo in front of so many people and both of us were nervous. Brittany had to do some pretty big moves but I knew she had it. Me on the other hand, not so sure. I always came across as confident with my singing in the choir room. I was always trying to one up Berry but the truth was I had no confidence at all while singing. It got easier the more times I did it and I was never going to let Berry one up me but I was always nervous before singing in front of anyone. So even though Brittany was just as nervous she stayed strong for me as always. She comforted me just before going on and promised she would mess up if I messed up so all the attention wouldn't be on me. That's what a best friend does. When we started I was shaky at first but watching Brittany soothed me and I was soon in a bubble. A bubble with me and Brittany, she executed the moves perfectly and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was over before I knew it and apparently I sang better than I ever had before. That's because of Brittany.

As I watched closer I could tell Brittany wasn't present, her smile that's always there when she dances is more of a frown. Her eyes are small and she has bags under them. She wasn't there, it wasn't her. Dancing always created so much joy for her but she looked drained. I wiped a tear as I rushed to Quinn's apartment. I've done enough crying so that was the last tear that was shed.

I used my spare key and instantly ran to her room where I knew she'd be reading. She was startled but she was used to my impromptu burst ins.

"Santana, what are you do-" Quinn started

"I'm ready to talk are you going to listen or not" I snapped before sitting by her side and cuddling her in. If people didn't know me and saw me act this way they'd definitely thing I had some sort of personality disorder but it's just me. I can go from a strong and confident bitch to vulnerable and quiet within seconds.

"Talk away Santana." So I started, I told her the whole story from the day she turned up to my house to the song and our last night but I didn't cry. I didn't know whether I had run out of tears or I was getting stronger but either way I didn't cry. What I wasn't expecting was Quinn's reaction.

She laughed; she just looked at me and laughed. You can only imagine the anger that came out of me. I can't even remember half of the words I used but I was so frustrated I just burst out in tears. So much for being stronger.

Quinn immediately brought me in for a hug but her hugs just weren't the same and that just made me cry harder. "Why are you laughing Q?" I said basically inaudible through my sobs.

"Oh honey, why do you think Brittany came to LA, she could have set her dance school up anywhere but she came here to see you. She came back to you Santana, she doesn't want her best friend back she wants her girlfriend back. Santana did she kiss you back?" Quinn questioned as I still laid there sobbing. All I could do was nod. "So I know I wouldn't kiss you back if you kissed me. She wouldn't have kissed you Santana, isn't it clear?"

"No" I said shaking my head.

"You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you, you have to be willing and listen. Those words may never leave their mouth but they might wrap you in a blanket or kiss your forehead. They might hold you while you cry or dance with you. A smile may never leave their face when you're with them but you have to be willing to see it Santana and feel it. Just let those words sink in and go get some rest, you need some sleep." I had no idea what any of that meant, Quinn always has a way with words. They're riddles almost and it takes forever to finally understand what she's saying. So I left with a quick goodbye and the muffin that was on her counter. She was right, I was exhausted but things were still so fuzzy.

The only way I can process things is through driving but I was too tired and it would be too dangerous so I slept on it instead. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep, I slept for around 3 hours and woke up feeling just as confused but less tired so after a quick stop at Starbucks I drove. I didn't have a destination in mind but I had GPS so I knew how to get home. I just drove until I reached Arizona, I didn't realise I had driven so far and then I realised I had been driving for just under 4 hours. It had just passed 4 so I could get home before 8, driving makes everything better.

The 4 hours home just about cleared my mind, I needed to face Brittany but I didn't exactly know how. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask but I wasn't sure I had the guts to see her after that letter and I still need the explanation as to why she left for England without a word. Liquid courage would be the best bet.

I texted Quinn telling her that I needed to talk to Brittany but needed some liquid courage, I told her I'd be at the local bar and that I had been to Arizona. I quickly got changed headed for my trusty old bar. No one would think I would come here, they would think I would go to some prestigious night club and not some old bar but that's why I liked it.

"Scotch on the rocks Puck" I said as I slid on stool

"Long time no see San, what brings my favourite celebrity here tonight then? Finally decided to give Puckosaurus another go?" He said smirking, he never did stop trying. When we all moved to LA Puck decided he couldn't miss out and opened a bar. Its close and I know all of the people, its cosy not like some of those stupid night clubs. The fact that I get free drinks may also have something to do with why I love this place so much.

"I'm in fucking love Puckerman, that's what's wrong" I barked.

"Is it Brittany by any chance?" he asked. That caught my attention and made me lift my head.

"You knew she was back?"

"No, I just knew you were never over her. You've been in love since you were tots, I don't know why you broke up but it needs fixing. I can remember you shouting her name when we had sex Santana. That was when we were 14, you've always loved her."

"Yeah I used to imagine it was her to make it bearable, no offense but I just didn't enjoy it and that's why I'm here. Liquid courage." I shrugged while drinking my second glass.

"None taken- Brittany?" Puck said causing my head to snap up once again. Why the hell did he just say Brittany and who the hell is he looking at. Before I could follow his gaze I felt someone behind me and froze. The familiar smell made me want to disappear but I knew there was no hope. I hadn't had enough alcohol to take the edge off so I sat frozen with no idea what to do.

"I don't want to be just friends Santana."

Those words were like music to my ears, I've been pushing Brittany away thinking she just wanted to be friends. Just like I did before I came out, Finn was right I was terrified by the fact that Brittany wouldn't love me back but she did. I'm still terrified, terrified that if I turn around this was all one big dream and she'll disappear. Just like all the other times she spoke I was paralysed, frozen. I couldn't move, I couldn't form words, I don't even think I was blinking so I just sat there unable to do anything and she continued knowing I wasn't going to.

"Seriously Santana, why the hell do you think I came to LA? I could have set up a dance school anywhere and you think I would choose LA as the best option. Paris is the best option for a dance school but here is the best option for me. It's the best option for me because you're here Santana, we've been apart for 5 years, without words for 4 years and I can't deal with that anymore because I need you. I've seen the world and I'm sure now more than ever that I belong with you, after you went to New York I was at a complete loss. Something was missing and I knew it was you deep down but I was terrified that you wouldn't want me because I already pushed you away. You talked on the phone like you were happy, like you'd finally found yourself and that's why phone calls got further apart. You were happy without me and I wasn't and I couldn't bear the thought of the fact that you moved on. After graduation I got that offer to go to England and I thought maybe I could fill that hole with ambition and forget about you, that was the only way I could be happy. Turns out forgetting about you is impossible, every time I pictured your face it got a little foggier and your voice sounded different but those memories. The memories and the love we shared were as clear as day but then again not all days are clear so glass would be a better fit but then you can get glass that you can't see through so I don't even know-"

She started to ramble and I knew the only way to stop it was to stop her from talking so I did. I finally got my explanation as to why she stopped talking to me, it may have been completely wrong but I can't blame her. I'm an amazing actress after all and pretended to be happy because she was happy with Sam. Well I thought she was anyway, so I stopped her from rambling the most effective way.

I turned around, stood up, grabbed her face and kissed her. I kissed her like my life depended on it and I was actually quite surprised I didn't mess it up but if there was one thing my body was always sure about: it was Brittany.

She immediately threw her arms around my neck and responded to the kiss. I melted into her and I knew this is where I wanted to be for the rest of my life, in Brittany's arms. The kiss was soft and gentle but it had so much passion, it was perfect. When we pulled apart she placed a peck on my nose and my eyes fluttered open just like old times. I was staring into my favourite ocean blue eyes once again and they were filled with so much happiness.

"I love you Santana Lopez."

"I love you too Brittany Pierce."

 **That's the end!**


End file.
